Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize