I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
