She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
NoShamevember. You game?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
