I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I supernannyed him into submission
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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