This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
