thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
