dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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