So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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