Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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