And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
