i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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