The maid of honor just puked.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
