Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
