After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
