Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
