Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
