I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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