In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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