So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
