And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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