So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
