I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
