At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize