There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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