i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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