We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
