Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
