im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
