New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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