How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
