Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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