I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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