And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
