Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
