we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
