i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
