apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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