If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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