hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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