I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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