Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
