In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
