At least make sure they are 18
Why
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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