If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
