i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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