taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
