dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
