In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize