I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
