he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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