K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And the cops told us we were all naked.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize