Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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