Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
did i just pee glitter
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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