god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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