omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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