Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize