You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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