fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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