She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
