I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
