hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
