Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
