Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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