i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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