Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
