I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my shit smells like andre
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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