i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
