she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
