you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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