There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
