dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
