Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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