What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
