Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
