Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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