just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
