you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
