I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
