She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
