your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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