Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the liver wants what the liver wants
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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