i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize