Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
now i know why i became what i already was.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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