i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
