I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
