I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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