Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
