The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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