Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I am morally bankrupt
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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