I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
