Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
