she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
