I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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