It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
