By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
