My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
