And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
