I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
