Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize