we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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