Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i will never coherently bang her
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
