First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
