she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
