she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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