I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
