You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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