My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I AM VODKA MAN
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize