Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
