I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
