this beer tastes like vomit already
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
