Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize